You fill me up
by zippizappi
Summary: A series of small glimpses into Hanna and Caleb's life as newlyweds, set sometime after 7x19 but 7x20 never happened. A collection of one-shots, rated T.
1. I - The bathtub

**YOU FILL ME UP**

* * *

Caleb had been home exactly four minutes, and the kitchen counter was already cluttered with food. Tonight, he was going to cook the twenty-first dinner that he and Hanna would share as husband and wife.

They had recently decided that, now that things with A.D. and Mona had finally calmed down, and they were finally able to live a normal life again, they would hide themselves away from the world for as often as they could in order to enjoy the first weeks as newlyweds. Their wedding had come so surprising, neither one of them had barely had any time to prepare for what was to come afterwards.

After A.D. had been arrested and after Mona had been admitted to Welby for stationary treatment, Caleb had immediately given up his suite at the Radley Hotel and had moved all of his stuff into Hanna's loft.

On those first couple of days into their marriage, Hanna had been like live wire, always on her heels, always trying to piece her life back together. But after a while, she had realized that not everything could be fixed within short notice, and she had eventually agreed to dial it down a notch.

Caleb had played along with everything, enjoying the simple idea of finally being married to his first real love, hopefully his last.

He still had a good time coming up with new meals to impress her. Although, now that he thought about it, she was impressed by pretty much any meal cooked by him that required turning on the stove. Especially when his way of cooking included wearing next to nothing underneath an old apron, which he had snatched from the kitchen at the Radley… those were the days he didn't need to try very hard with the choice of ingredients.

He did it anyway, though, because it was for her.

On this evening, pork fillet, peaches, almonds and rice had been laid out ready in order for him to show his abilities in the cooking department to her again.

It occurred to Caleb that the loft, although dark, wasn't silent. He could hear the low music of what sounded suspiciously like relax melodies with quills, coming from their darkened bedroom, when he paused collecting pots and pans which were required for preparing their meal. She was home after all.

The quills seemed to play louder and louder in his head, and he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed the music when he had come in just a few minutes before. Was she napping? No, no way. There was no way she would be able to fall asleep with that audacity of so-called relax melodies reaching every nerve fiber…

Caleb put all of the perishable groceries in the fridge and stood musing. It wasn't in Hanna's nature to lay quietly in a darkened room unless she was held hostage by someone. She often beat him home in the evenings, but usually he found her watching _Project Runway_ , giving Heidi Klum a piece of her mind, or dancing around the living room with a measuring tape wrapped around her neck, her Banks CD turned up so loud that passersby on the street below were able to sing along.

Having eased the door open, he tiptoed into the bedroom. He was feeling skittish; Hanna's unnatural silence made him nervous in a way few things ever could. He found her laying upside down on their bed, her arm thrown over her eyes and her naked feet propped up on her pillows, crossed at the ankles.

"Hanna?" He knelt down next to her and touched the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

Her other hand felt for the blaring cell phone lying next to her on the covers, and then she blindly lowered the volume of the unusual music – not a minute too soon, Caleb thought. She made a small sound of acknowledgment. He waited a few seconds, but that was apparently all she had to say. Now what? He knew how to handle Angry Hanna, Sarcastic Hanna, Annoyed Hanna, Frustrated Hanna, Sad Hanna and Scared Hanna. But Silent Hanna - Depressed Hanna? – wasn't that familiar to him.

"Ok... is there anything I can do for you?" Caleb waited for her to lift her arm from her eyes so that he could try and read her face, which was always so much more telling than her spoken words.

She shrugged.

He thought that was wife code for 'If I have to tell you what to do, then don't bother.' Apparently, he had to navigate that particular minefield all on his own.

Quietly, he got up and walked to her night table in order to switch on her night light. At long last, Hanna brought her arm down and turned her head around to watch him with a deadpan look on her face.

Caleb sat back down on the edge of the bed. He had never seen her so empty and still. A knot formed in his stomach and he ran his fingers through her silky hair as if his touch could push the life back into her. She made a noise that was a cross between a murmur and moan, and he hoped it didn't mean 'get away from me.'

Gently, he slid his arms underneath her back. Having lifted her up, he settled into his own pillows and arranged her body across his own. She turned and buried her face in his neck and he sighed softly in relief. He caressed her arm, enjoying the feel of smooth sturdy fabric under his fingers. She was wearing a new black pantsuit, and before her business meeting that morning, she had come down the stairs and twirled in front of him, inviting his admiration.

Hanna leaned up a bit and whispered in his ear. "Let's just stay like this for a while, okay?"

"Sure," he whispered back, and the tension began to leak out of his body. That was one of his favorite parts of that new thing called marriage; he came home to Hanna, his friend, his wife, and he held her, and the stress of the day escaped out of his body. He had no idea how he had survived day after day in those three years without her, seemingly a million years ago now.

"I got into a fight with Lucas," she said after several minutes.

"Really? You mean a real fight? Because I can't imagine Lucas arguing with anybody, least of all, you."

"He tried to badger me into striking up a business partnership with another up-and-coming designer from Philly," she told his neck. "But I told him, no. I want to keep this a one-man company only. And now I have a headache. Even my hair hurts."

"I'm sorry. What can I do?" Caleb kept stroking soothingly over her hair.

She was quiet for several seconds before looking up at him. His heart almost stopped when he saw a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Oh, baby." He pressed his palm against the warm skin of her jaw and wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Is something else wrong? Please tell me."

But Hanna just shook her head. "I'm just in pain and I had a bad day."

"Are you sure? Because I've never seen you act like this..."

She gave him a half smile. "After we broke up, I spent night after night like this, eating giant tubs of ice cream and watching the news on CNN so that I would find out if there was anything important going on in any of the countries in Europe that we had been planning to visit. Only so that I would feel some kind of connection to you despite the fact that you had basically broken my heart… That realization had hit me later. I'd just made sure nobody was around to see the big breakdown that had come with it."

"Really? I'm..." He was at a loss for words. Hanna had watched the news on CNN? He never would have bet money on that one.

"But that was then. And I'm feeling nowhere near as desperate as I did back in the days. Tonight, I think I want a bath."

That seemed odd to him, but he figured it was probably a girl thing, so he simply inquired, "A bath?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "With candles and really hot water and bubbles. Can you fill up the bathtub for me?"

"Sure," he replied. Definitely a girl thing. He was torn between amazement at that side of Hanna's personality – international news other than those of the Milan Fashion Week and bubbles baths! - and pride that he was the only person who got to see it.

Five minutes later, Caleb was in their bathroom, watching the water in the bathtub rise, inch by inch. It usually took a long time to fill a bathtub, and there wasn't a single thing he could do to speed it up. He decided to pick up a computer magazine from his night table in order to bide his time reading, and found Hanna had recaptured her position from before. He felt bad for her, and he definitely didn't like seeing her like that. Whatever had thrown her off that day, now felt like a stab in his own heart.

When he had returned to their bathroom, he tossed the magazine on the bathmat and looked around in order to finish his important task in hand. He found the cabinet with an assortment of bubble baths and lined up the bottles on the edge of the sink - green, purple, pink. After some exploratory sniffing, he poured a generous amount of the green stuff into the tub. Then he lit four candles that he had previously deposited in the room for moments just like this and placed them on the windowsill.

Finally, the water in the bathtub seemed deep enough and he turned it off. He took one last look around the room.

Candles? Burning.

Water? Steaming.

Bubbles? Um, bubbling.

Then, Caleb went next door into the bedroom and turned off the night light.

"Babe, it's ready," he mumbled, and Hanna silently held out her hand. But he ignored it and picked her up, cradling her against his chest like he had never done it before. They were in the bathroom in seconds, and Hanna gasped and covered her eyes with her hands.

"Ouch, Caleb. The light hurts, turn it off, please!"

"Sorry!" He hit the switch, and then the only light was from the flickering flames that were dancing against the walls. He set Hanna down.

She didn't move.

"Would you like me to undress you?" He huffed into her ear.

She looked up at him, her blue eyes big and wet, and nodded.

And so he did. He unbuttoned her top and slid it off her shoulders, pulled her camisole over her head, unbuttoned her pants and watched as they fell down into a puddle on the tile floor. Hanna leaned her forehead against his chest and he put his arms around her to unclasp her bra. The red fabric was soft in his hand, and he held it for a few seconds before opening his fingers, allowing it to drift down and join the black fabric of her pantsuit on the floor. He tightened his arms around her and laid his cheek on her smooth hair for just a few seconds, inhaling her familiar scent, before stepping back.

That was the first time Caleb had ever undressed her when it wasn't a prelude to having sex. He wondered if she was thinking about that, too, and if she had seen his reaction to her beautiful exposed body.

Taking a steadying breath, he looped his thumbs around the thin fabric on her hips and pulled her panties down. He knelt at her feet to untangle them from her ankles. Hanna placed her hand on his shoulder as she stepped out of the pool of red and black fabric and for a heady moment, he was worshipping her. For a few seconds, he was suspended in a haze of adoration and desire.

"Ohhhhh," she moaned. He snapped back to the present and realized that she had left his side and had lowered herself into the water. The blissful look on her face made him smile.

"That good, huh?"

"You have no idea." She stretched out full length and everything below her neck was hidden by clouds of bubbles. He watched her for a moment before picking up his magazine from the floor and turning to the door.

"Please stay."

He looked back over his shoulder. Her wet hair was clinging to her scalp. Caleb turned toward her and sat on the floor next to the tub, skimming the pages of the computer magazine for an article he hadn't read yet, but to no avail. He tossed the unappealing weekly onto the floor behind him and made himself comfortable, leaning sideways against the bathtub. "I'm not leaving." He reached into the hot water to grasp her hand.

She laced her fingers through his and raised their joined hands to rest on the edge of the tub. She tilted her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

Hanna obviously wasn't in a talking mood, so he closed his eyes, too, and tried not to mind his own back which was hurting like hell from the way he had been sitting at his laptop all day, writing dozens of script pages for a new software he had thought up.

Suddenly, she spoke quietly. "Hey. You seem a little tense yourself."

He opened his eyes and looked at her with concern. "It's nothing. Are _you_ feeling any better?"

"My head doesn't hurt as much," she murmured and closed her eyes again.

For a moment, he considered kissing her wet lips, but instead, he just looked at her. Her breasts, visible now that the bubbles were slowly melting away, rose and fell in the water. There were shadows under her eyes, and again, he frowned at her, questioning her mental state.

"You seemed pretty fragile tonight." He suggested, hoping she would deny that… that she would protest and argue that 'fragile' was not a word one applied to Hanna Rivers.

She opened her eyes. Her face was pale gold in the candlelight. After a moment, she nodded. "Yeah. A little, I guess."

A surge of panic mixed with the worry in his chest and sat on his heart like a rock. He looked down at their hands and traced his thumb over the textured skin of her knuckles. He didn't know what to do with a fragile Hanna. Her strength was such a tangible presence in his life; what would he do if it never came back?

"Penny for your thoughts," Hanna said after a few moments.

He hesitated. "What I'm thinking makes me sound like a selfish jackass." He looked back up at her dark eyes that were watching him patiently. She raised an eyebrow in what was clearly a 'go on' gesture, so he did. "Sometimes, I don't know how to be the strong one in this relationship."

She let go of his hand and leaned forward. The water sloshed against the edges of the bathtub. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"You are the rock that I'm built on," he told her. "You always have been. I usually lay all my troubles at your feet, and you make them disappear."

"Good," she answered. "'Cause that's exactly how I feel about you."

He shook his head. "I've seen you go through many things. Fear for your life. Emotional devastation after everything that happened with A.D. and Mona and your business plans going down the drain."

Her eyebrows quirked and he quickly continued to elaborate, "But your pilot light, your Hanna Rivers-ness, was always lit, and all I had to do was be there while you made your way back to it. But tonight... it's like that flame has gone out, and since that's the light I live by, I can't see well enough to help you reignite it."

Hanna sighed and rubbed the heels of her hands against her eyes. And then, she gazed at him in a way that made him think he had said something very stupid. "There are so many things wrong with that statement," she said, "I don't even know where to begin."

She paused to gather her thoughts, and he was absolutely certain she was going to agree with him and tell him that he was being an idiot. The rock on his chest felt lighter already.

"Caleb, the simple fact is that sometimes my reserves of energy wear thin. That's it. That's all. I'm sure I'll be fine again tomorrow."

He watched her face, her expression a mixture of exasperation and reassurance. He released a breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding and nodded. "Ok," he replied, "I won't worry about it. We'll just sit here in Bubble Land until you're a prune, and then I'll make us a nice dinner."

She shook her head at me. "No," she answered. He must have looked surprised, because she shook her head again. "I mean, yes, don't worry, but there's more that I need to say." She pressed her palm against his cheek. Water drops slid down his neck and soaked into his t-shirt.

" _You_ keep my pilot light burning, Caleb. Before you came back to me, I had been running on fear and anger and righteous indignation. You made the fear disappear. The anger and righteous indignation come back whenever I need them," Hanna said with a mischievous smile, "but, most of the time, it's you who keeps _me_ going."

She picked his hand up again and pressed a kiss into his palm. "So, nights like this one, I come home empty and you..." She paused for a moment, and a loving smile spread across her face. "… you just… fill me up."

Her eyes were dancing, her skin glowing with water and reflected candlelight. His breath caught in his throat, and he shifted on his knees, leaning over the bathtub in order to kiss her.

"I take it that you're obviously very tired tonight," he said, rubbing her nose gently with his own. "I think you're going to need a good many kisses to get that light burning strong again."

Her arms looped around his neck and she bit him lightly into the tip of his nose before pulling his body toward her own. She had the advantage of surprise, and suddenly he was in the water with her, clothes and all.

"Oh, definitely," she agreed. "I'm going to need lots of fuel."

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 _There you go... just a little plotless fluff that had been stuck in my head ever since we didn't get another shower scene in 7B... simply because... come on, who wouldn't have loved to see Caleb sharing a shower or a bath with Hanna? LOL_

 _Review? Zip_


	2. II - Mom material

_Thank you for all the kind words that I got for part I. I hadn't initially intended for this story to become a multi-chap, but there have been a few more ideas along the lines of that first part. So here's_ a second _part, and a third is already in the works, too._

* * *

 **YOU FILL ME UP**

 **~ II ~**

 _ **mom material**_

* * *

"Good morning, baby."

Hanna sleepily raised her head from the pillow. "Hi, Caleb."

"And good morning to you, too, babe." He grinned at her.

She smiled back at him, still enjoying his new little morning routine. After one year of marriage, she still felt a thrill of pleasure every time she woke up and saw him lying next to her. Or, in this case, kneeling by the bed gently shaking her shoulders. "I'm awake," she added.

"I know," he smiled, smoothing her hair away from her face. He kissed her gently. "How are you feeling?" He watched her face as she carefully sat up. She considered her circulation for a moment before standing up at long last.

"Okay, I think. Not great," she said, "but better."

"Do you want breakfast?" He was moving towards the kitchen, stopping in the doorway to await her answer.

"Maybe just some toast," she replied, already beginning to get dressed. She heard Caleb in the kitchen, moving around as he was preparing breakfast for her, knowing he had eaten long before her and was now running late to leave for work. "Who did I marry, Mister Goody Two-Shoes?" she asked aloud as she left the bedroom, tucking in her blouse. Caleb did an extra whirl for her, and, after she clapped sarcastically, went back to frying eggs for her.

"Well, you do look good in that apron that Claudia sent you for your birthday," Hanna murmured, causing Caleb to look down at his front where the image of a naked chef, clad only in a very sexy apron, covered his body.

Hanna leaned against the doorway, suddenly nauseated by the smell of the eggs. She turned her head away and took a deep breath, trying to control the churning of her stomach. "Caleb, I'm sorry, could you get rid of the eggs?"

Right after the words had left her mouth, Caleb dumped the eggs in the sink, made quick work of the garbage disposal, and let in a bout of fresh air by opening one of the windows in their loft. Soon, he was at her side, concerned, a hand resting on her stomach. "I guess you don't want the toast either?"

She shook her head mutely, fists clenched, jaw set. All at once, she dashed for the bathroom, Caleb following. He held her forehead as she threw up, smoothed back her hair when she finished. She looked up at him weakly. "I guess I should have gone for the pickles and ice cream."

"But you didn't even eat any of the toast, yet you had to vomit?" Caleb asked, confused.

"The smell of those eggs was enough to make me gag," Hanna screwed up her face in disgust.

"Smells now, too? Fuck," Caleb looked at her sympathetically. "You're not going to work today, are you?"

Hanna, having rinsed out her mouth, was putting her hair in its usual messy ponytail, and showed all signs of normal morning preparations.

"It's only morning sickness, Caleb. Nobody's going to catch it. I've been away from my boutique for too long already."

"I'm sure your co-workers won't mind…"

"You didn't tell them, did you?" demanded Hanna, narrowing her eyes and watching him closely.

"No, I didn't," replied Caleb, somewhat defensively. "I know you're planning to tell everyone yourself. Although… Somehow I'm fairly certain that you already have." He took her chin in his hand, prompting her to put on a guilty expression.

"Just the girls, I swear," she felt obligated to clarify. "Everyone else will have to wait until the critical period is over."

"Han, I know this is huge news. I'm not going to break it by casually driving by the store to tell your assistants 'Oh, by the way, Hanna isn't coming in for work this morning because she's having a bad bout of morning sickness…'" He stroked her cheek.

She smiled weakly at him. "Sorry. They're my best friends. I had to tell somebody! We've been through so much together, they deserved to know," she trailed off, as her gaze turned imploring. "Caleb, could we not tell all the others for one more day?"

"You're not going to work?"

"No, I am, but…"

Caleb was confused. "At least tell your co-workers. They'll have to know rather sooner than later." And as far as he was concerned, the sooner the better. True, they had only known for two weeks themselves, but he was fairly bursting with the news and not even their mothers had been let into their little secret yet. He sighed, "Hanna…"

"Lucas is gonna be there the next couple of days to go over our sales. He's probably gonna be even more overprotective than YOU are, if that's at all possible! The minute he finds out I'm pregnant…" she trailed off. Her voice had an edge to it that suggested she was holding back tears. "God, Caleb, I'm not gonna feel like this for the next eight months, am I?"

"I don't think so, Han," he said, trying to sound reassuring. "I'm sure I've read that most women are over their morning sickness by the third month at the latest."

She caught the vague note in his voice. "But we don't know, do we?" She faced him in the narrow confines of the bathroom, her chin trembling. "I've read about women who felt nausea throughout their entire pregnancy."

The tears came out then, and Caleb encircled her in his arms, comforting her. He rested his chin on her hair. "I doubt this will happen to you." This time he was sure of what he was saying, and Hanna could hear it in his voice.

Hanna sniffed once, then moved her head back to look at Caleb. She took a deep shuddering breath, then squared her shoulders. "I hope you're right." She gently squirmed out of his embrace and picked up her toothbrush.

"Hanna, are you sure you want to go to work today? I'm sure the food poisoning excuse is still good." He half smiled. "I could get used to making up fun excuses, you know."

"Hah, you've probably spent all morning googling that on the internet or googling fun ways to announce a pregnancy, too!" Hanna stuck her tongue out at him, some of the usual sparkle returning to her eyes. She stabbed her toothbrush into the air for emphasis. "But yes, I do want to go to work today. I don't think I can stand one more day of sitting around watching 'I Dated My Best Friend's Ex-Boyfriend And Now I'm Back With My Own Ex-Boyfriend' on some super dumbass talk show'. I mean REALLY!" she laughed ruefully. "I DID marry my ex-boyfriend who in fact used to date my best friend, and believe me, they don't know what they're talking about!"

Caleb smiled, glad to see the old Hanna emerging, taking it as a good sign. "Alright, but try not to throw up on any of your expensive silk gowns today, okay?" He looked at his watch. "I gotta get to work. There's only so much tardiness a mother-in-law-slash-boss can take…"

"Mmmff" replied Hanna, her mouth full of toothpaste. She spat. "Wait. I just remembered that I have to be at the Radley's staff meeting at ten today. Give me 30 seconds and I'll be ready." Caleb nodded and went to get his jacket. She seemed much more like herself than she had for the past few days.

He half hoped that their conversation had reassured her, that the possibility of an extended period of nausea was all that had been bothering her. He sighed. Somehow he didn't think so, but so far she hadn't shared whatever it was with him, and he knew her better than to push. At least she seemed happier now, and that was the main thing, he supposed.

Except he hadn't been kidding about the silk gowns.

oOOo

"Hey, you two! How are you?" The wrinkly face of Tonya, Ashley Marin's personal assistant at the Radley Hotel, broke into a wide smile as she hurried up to meet them, frowning at the sight of Hanna in front of her. "You still look a little green. You sure she's all right, Caleb?"

"Frankly, no." Caleb made a helpless gesture. "But you know Hanna. Once she makes up her mind about something…"

"Well, for one thing," Hanna broke in, "I've made up my mind never to try the seafood at Chez Jacques again." She made a face.

"Chez Jacques?" Tonya asked, "I've never heard of it, but believe me, if I do, I won't be eating there. Sorry, Hanna. I'm running late. We should get started with the meeting, but I still need to make some copies for your mom who, by the way, is waiting for you in her office. I'll see you upstairs in conference room C in five minutes?"

She dashed off towards the copy machine, as Hanna and Caleb walked through the lobby in the direction of the elevators. As they approached Ashley Marin's office, Caleb could feel Hanna tense slightly, although outwardly she showed no sign.

They entered the office. "Hi, mom." Hanna said, sitting down in the nearest chair. Caleb placed a hand on her shoulder, and she reached up and touched his fingers briefly with hers.

"Oh hi, baby," Mrs. Marin replied, looking up. "It's about time you decided to grace us with your presence at one of our staff meetings. I can't wait for the staff to hear the great news."

Hanna looked up over her shoulder, exchanging glances with her husband, sensing her mom must have figured it out by herself.

Ashley, however, ignored the worried look on Hanna's face and went on in a softened voice, "How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"That's good to hear. I need my famous designing daughter on this staff meeting. You know that I'm calling the press conference to announce that all employees are getting new uniforms designed by you. Do you think you can make it and talk to some of my staff, getting their opinions on designs and fabrics, taking notes, jotting down ideas?"

"Mom, don't worry. I got this," Hanna replied, feeling slightly relieved that she didn't have to reveal her pregnancy in her mother's sterile office.

"Alright, see you upstairs in con-"

"-Conference room B, I know, I know." She stood up, and they left the office.

Hanna's mom watched as the two of them walked out. What a pair they made, she mused. Always arguing, but anyone could tell just by looking at them how much in love they were. And, she added to herself, it was good to have Hanna back in good health again. Caleb somehow hadn't looked complete in the past days, worrying too much about her.

As Caleb walked to the elevators, he looked with concern at Hanna beside him. He touched her cheek. "You okay?"

She scowled. "I'm fine, okay, Caleb?" He looked at her. "Look, you only have to get through this press conference and then I can take you back home." Hanna nodded, and Caleb pushed a button on the control panel. The doors quietly closed, and the elevator started ascending. Hanna's face turned pale as she leaned back and closed her eyes. She sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll let you know if I'm about to pass out or anything. Other than that, please stop asking me if I'm all right every five minutes. It's really starting to get on my nerves."

Caleb sighed. "I'm sorry."

Hanna changed the subject. "They all really believed I had food poisoning, didn't they? Even my mom?"

"I told you I was good at excuses!"

Hanna smiled. "Yeah, only four more weeks. Although I do think I can't wait any longer to tell my mom."

"Whichever way you decide, I've got your back. But I don't mind coming up with little white lies to cover for you, you know." Caleb said. "If that's what it takes to make you feel better about the situation, I'll keep googling fun excuses."

Hanna nodded. She seemed distracted, though, Caleb thought as the elevator car came to a soft halt on the eighth floor where the staff meeting was being held.

Twenty minutes into the meeting, just as Ashley Marin was about to finish informing her staff about impending special guests and events at the hotel, Caleb suddenly became aware that Hanna had her hand to her mouth, and was clenching her other fist.

Without looking at him, she stood and quickly hurried out of the room, having chosen an aisle seat in case she had to leave abruptly. He immediately followed her, feeling the nosy looks of forty-six co-workers in his back.

He saw Hanna hurry along the hallway and stumble through the door of the ladies room. Seconds later, he wrinkled his forehead in consternation in reaction to the sounds coming from behind the door. Hanna wasn't sick. She was crying.

oOOo

Caleb thought about his options. He couldn't very well barge right into the ladies room. Well, he could, but not without causing considerable embarrassment on everybody's part.

The decision was made easier when at that moment, Ashley stepped out of the conference room, followed by her entire crew. She guided them past the ladies room, stopping shortly by Caleb's side, whispering into his ear that she had cut the meeting short and would make the big announcement at the next gathering.

Caleb sighed with relief and watched the throng of people disappear at the turn of the corner in the hallway. He was just about to push open the door of the ladies room to check on Hanna when she finally emerged, head held high, showing no signs of the tears that he knew had been there earlier. He quickly crossed the distance between them, encircling her in a careful embrace.

"Okay, Hanna. What's wrong?"

She looked at him. "What do you think is wrong? Apparently, I'm not completely over my 'food poisoning'. Let's go back inside."

"Um, the meeting's already over. I'm taking you home now."

oOOo

Caleb waited until they were in the car until he tried again. "Hanna." He touched her hand. She stiffened, which Caleb knew from long experience meant he should just drop the subject now. But he couldn't stand to see her upset like this. He knew he was treading on very dangerous ground. "Why were you crying?"

"You heard me crying?" Hanna glared at him. "Great. Just great. So everyone else from the hotel must have heard, too." Her voice had turned into a whisper, and she turned away from him to stare resolutely out the window. Caleb mentally hit himself over the head with a blunt object. Hanna remained silent, and continued to ignore him the rest of the way back to their loft.

"Look, Hanna." Caleb began as he pulled the jeep into a parking space a couple of minutes later. "I'm sorry I asked you that."

She was silent.

"I worry about you, that's all."

She looked at him. "I'm going upstairs. I can start working on some designs and sketches for those uniforms." Her tone was brisk and businesslike. "And I need to eat something. I'm starving," she added while getting out of the car.

"You sure your stomach's up to it?" he teased as he got out, too, and walked her over to the entrance of their building.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied, a trace of a smile on her lips. "I think I'm starting to feel better. And after all, I am eating for two now." Her smile faded and he watched as she zoned out, obviously thinking about whatever had been bothering her. He put his hand on her arm.

"Hanna?" She looked into his eyes. "What's wrong?" This time she didn't turn away, and her eyes filled with tears. She looked terrified, he realized. He pulled her forward into a hug, holding her tightly as he guided them both to the elevator. Hanna relaxed against him, sobbing, as he patted her hair and murmured reassurances. Finally, she sniffed and hiccuped once, drawing her head back to look at Caleb. He continued to hold her, running one finger down her cheek to wipe away the tears.

"Caleb," she began, "I-"

At that moment, Caleb heard a sound that he had learned to detest at times, the sound of his cell phone. _The_ sound. _The_ ringtone that he had set up for incoming emergency calls from his own small IT company.

A guilty expression took over his face, and he had to rub the bridge of his nose to alleviate some of the tension that had built inside of his head. "I am so, so sorry, babe."

"It's ok. Go," Hanna put on a brave smile and set a foot forward, into the elevator. She turned around and saw him fight an inner battle whether he should really leave her alone now. "Just go. I'll be fine."

"I promise I won't be long." Caleb held the doors open and leaned forward, kissing her once, twice before storming out of the building, feeling like some kind of doctor on standby.

oOOo

Alone in the loft, Hanna curled up on the couch, hugging her knees. _I've cried more in the past few days than I have in the past few years!_ she thought ruefully and shoved her fears back into the deepest recesses of her mind where she didn't have to think about them. But they were there all the same, and she knew she'd have to deal with them eventually.

She hated being afraid. She hated admitting it to herself, and she dreaded admitting it to Caleb. What was she going to say? How could he possibly understand that she, Hanna Rivers, who had boldly leapt into more than one dangerous situation in the pursuit of revealing and obliterating A or A.D., who didn't think twice about telling everyone she met what was on her mind… that Hanna Rivers was afraid of something so small and helpless as a baby?

Or not exactly a baby, but the thought that she would have one, that she would be responsible for its well-being. What did she know about children? It wasn't just something she could research in Rosewood's public library, dig up facts on, and understand like the mechanics of a sewing machine.

She idly played with a strand of her hair. Caleb had surprised her with his love for little children. He was often stopping by at Emily and Alison's house to play with their twin daughters or offering to babysit them. He didn't show any doubts at all about becoming a father for the first time, even though he hadn't had the best role models as parents.

Hanna, on the other hand, felt slightly intimidated by the idea of trying to be the best possible mother for her child. And all she knew about parenting was that the way _her_ parents and Caleb's parents had gone about, it was probably not the best way. _So I know what NOT to do, at least_ , she thought, her mouth quirking up in a grin despite herself.

She found herself wishing for Caleb to come home. She'd needed time to think, but now she just wanted to confide in him, to get it over with. He probably wouldn't understand, but she knew he would do his best.

She smiled. Poor Caleb. She hadn't been very nice to him today. He hadn't been fazed by it, though. He'd just been his usual patient self, which had admittedly annoyed her at the time. She often thought that he was a little too patient for his own good. But then she knew that _she_ was being far too impatient, so she guessed they balanced each other out. She felt herself smiling again, thinking of Caleb.

Even at times when she was most annoyed with him, she loved him more than she'd loved anyone in her life. And she knew that he loved her just as much.

Back in the days when they had met she'd been too dazzled by money and reputation to notice Caleb. Her attitude back then still made her cringe at times.

But back then she'd almost resented Caleb and the fact that she'd owed him something in return after he had done her a small favor. But shortly after that, she had somehow been completely blown off her feet at the sight of Caleb without a shirt on… much less without pants and underwear on… the time he had been taking a shower in her house, and she had to get into the tub with him in order to cover up his presence in the Marin house. He really had the perfect chest, she thought. As well as numerous other perfect parts.

Her mind dwelt pleasantly along that line of thought for a while, until the sudden humming of the refrigerator made her jump, and shook her out of her reverie. She looked at her watch.

She knew Caleb would come back as soon as he possibly could. She sighed. That was another wonderful thing about Caleb. For the first time in her life, she knew she was loved. She knew that Caleb would do anything for her, and that she would do the same for him. Growing up, she'd never felt that her father had cared about her existence. And after the divorce she hadn't really seen him much anyway.

But Caleb cared deeply about her, and she knew it.

She gently patted her stomach. "You," she said, "are going to know how much we love you. We're going to tell you every day, we're -". Her voice caught, and she fought back tears again. She really needed to talk to Caleb now.

Now that she had allowed herself to think about it, she was overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions. She really did want this baby. There was a part of her that was amazed and overjoyed at the thought of the tiny life growing within her. But she was also overwhelmed by the responsibility that came with it. "I can definitely imagine you turning out more screwed up than _I_ did," she said aloud, sighing.

She picked up the phone and began playing with it, wiping the display clean with her fingers. When it rang suddenly, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Recovering, she picked it up without looking at the caller's ID. "Hello?"

It was Caleb's mother. "Hello, Hanna? How are you, dear?"

"All right." she replied, unenthusiastically. "Caleb's not here. He's out at his company. How was your vacation?" she added, almost as an afterthought.

"Tiring." sighed Claudia Dawson. "But I'm not calling just to talk to Caleb, you know that, Hanna. And you sound a little down. What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing's wrong." Hanna replied, suddenly tired of pretending. She paused, knowing Claudia would be delighted. "I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."

"Oh, Hanna! That's wonderful news! William!" Hanna could hear Caleb's step-father in the background. "Hanna is pregnant!" As Hanna listened to the happy exclamations in the background she bit her lip. She had been half intending to confide her inner turmoil to Caleb's mother. But hearing how excited Claudia was, she couldn't bring herself to say anything. It might have stirred some bad memories in her relationship with her oldest son.

"So when's the due date, Hanna? How do you feel?" Claudia was bubbling over with enthusiasm.

"End of February. And… - Oh hey, Caleb!" Hanna interrupted herself as Caleb barreled through the front door trying to catch his breath. "Um," she continued, trying to remember what she had been saying. "Claudia, Caleb just got home. I haven't been feeling great, but I think I'm improving." She looked at Caleb. "It's your mom. I just told her." She spoke into the phone again. "Here, do you want to talk to Caleb?" Without waiting for an answer, she handed the phone to him, her eyes begging him to be brief.

She watched him as he sat down on the couch, taking over the conversation with his mom, "Yeah, Mom, it's wonderful, isn't it? Yeah, she looks great. Uh huh, some morning sickness. No. Yeah. Yeah, well listen, Mom, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Gotta take care of Hanna now." He laughed. "Mom! Good bye!" He hung up and set the phone down on the couch table before turning to Hanna.

She stared at him for a moment, then wordlessly leaned over and hugged him, so hard that, for a moment, she feared his ribs would be in danger of cracking. He returned the embrace, stroking her hair. After a long moment, she looked up into his eyes. The worry she saw there made her catch her breath.

"Caleb, I'm okay! Better now. Really." She stroked his hair, feeling a somewhat ironic need to comfort _him_. "It's just-" She broke off, getting up and pacing away from him, sitting down on the edge of the couch again eventually. "Caleb, I don't know how to be a mother. I know it sounds stupid, but…" she trailed off, watching him closely. "You'll be the best dad in the world! But I… I… I know they say it's instinct, but what if I just don't have it? God knows our parents didn't!" She bit her lip. "Caleb, I… I'm scared."

Caleb looked at his wife, trying to transmit all his feelings of love and reassurance. After all this time, she still found it incredibly hard to admit to fear, even to him. Then, he got up and knelt down in front of her, looking into her eyes.

"Hanna," he said, squeezing her hand and willing her to listen. "I'm scared, too. I think every parent-to-be is, at least a little. It's a huge undertaking. But anything worth doing is challenging, and a bit frightening. And I truly believe that having children is one of the most rewarding experiences that anyone can have." He touched her cheek. "I know you don't have much experience with kids, but that doesn't mean you won't be a good mother." She looked at him, her eyes luminous with unshed tears. "Hanna, you're kind, and generous, and incredibly caring. You'd do anything for the people you love."

She started to cry again. "No I'm not! I'm selfish. And not particularly nice a lot of the time. Look at all the mean things I've done to you, even!" As he put out a hand to comfort her, she stood up, pushed off the couch, and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Caleb felt close to tears himself, by this point. Did she really think of herself this way? A rational portion of his mind told him that it probably had a lot to do with the hormonally induced mood swings that they were both going to have to live with for the next while. This knowledge didn't change the fact, though, that Hanna was miserable, and he didn't know what he could possibly say that would comfort her. He waited a moment, then followed her into the bedroom.

Hanna, intent on demolishing a defenseless pillow, didn't look up at his arrival. He watched her in silence, for a moment, as she gave it one final pummel and hurled it across the room, where it hit the wall and slid down, coming to rest at the foot of the dresser.

Wordlessly, he handed her another. She considered it for a moment, then flopped down on the bed, deflated, her face buried in the covers. He rubbed her back, massaging the tenseness out of her stiff shoulders. After a while she looked up, with a somewhat shaky half-smile. "Thanks."

He smiled back and continued to rub. She relaxed as his strong fingers dug into her knotted muscles, draining away the tension. As the draining effects of the emotional release faded slightly, she rolled over and sat up, still drawing strength from the man beside her. She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment. Then, Caleb began to speak, "Hanna. You are not selfish. You have done selfless things for so many people. You've risked your career, taking gambles on helping people you believe in." His voice choked off, overcome with emotion. "Risked your life even, I don't know how many times. You…"

Hanna, facing him, gently silenced him with a hand over his mouth. She whispered, "Don't make me cry again!" She buried her face in his chest, and he held her there, one hand cupping her head, his thumb stroking her hair.

After a long time, they both stepped back, neither needing to say a word. He gently lifted up her shirt and placed his hand on her stomach. She placed a hand on top of his, and they stood there for another long moment, not speaking, just sharing in the wonder of this new life growing within Hanna, a life which they had created together.

"So you really think I'll make an okay mom?" The words sounded casual, but Hanna was dead serious, and Caleb knew it. He looked into her eyes.

"Hanna, I think you'll make a wonderful mom."

She held his gaze. "Do you really?"

"Hanna, except for that thing with Jenna so many years ago you know that I've never lied to you. I couldn't do it."

She smiled again and relaxed. "I would, wouldn't I?" she asked, almost wonderingly. "You really do think I'll make a good mother."

"I really do. And for the last time, I think your mom is great. She's a pretty good role model. Sometimes I think of her more as my mom than Claudia. Having Ashley so close by is gonna come in quite handy, believe me."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Let's hope you're not wrong on this one." Twining her fingers through his, she strolled back into the living room, Caleb following close behind.

Hanna still fought inner battles, not being able to pinpoint her exact emotions. A mixture of drained, and elated, and yes, still afraid. But somehow her fears seemed infinitely more manageable now that she knew that Caleb shared them. And it meant more to her than she could ever say to know that Caleb believed she would make a good mother. Because she knew that he wasn't just saying it, that he really meant it.

He was right, he couldn't lie to her. Nor could she to him, not any more. When had that happened? She was lost in these thoughts as they entered the living room. Gradually, she realized that she felt like herself again, for the first time since she'd realized she was pregnant. And just as a feeling of calm began to creep over her, it was replaced by a mental to-do list. There was a lot to be done, she realized. What had she been thinking, moping around, trying to deny the fact that she was even pregnant?

Caleb settled down in an easy chair and smiled up at her. "You know," she began, as she settled down on his lap, "We really ought to make some sort of announcement. I'd hate to have my mom find out when I suddenly show up in maternity clothes one day." She leaned back against her husband, snuggling in.

"So, how should we tell her?" he asked, playing with her hair. They shared a playful kiss, and then several more.

"I don't know, Caleb," she answered, between kisses. "We need a really good idea." She shifted a little, drawing closer to him. "So how about we… sleep on it?"

"Sounds good to me," Caleb shrugged.

"You already have an idea, don't you?" Hanna eyed him suspiciously. "You've spent the past days googling this. Don't deny it, I've seen our search history… food recipes, cocktails."

He chuckled, "Recipes… cocktails… You've seen those, huh?"

"Caleb, I'm blonde, not blind."

"Baby, I googled meals that I could prepare while you're struggling with morning sickness… or any kind of sickness that may come. Healthy meals and vitamin-rich drinks so that you and our little one are getting everything that you need."

Hanna looked at him, at a loss for words. "That's so sweet! I… I don't know what to say," she finally voiced her emotions.

"You don't have to say anything. You just carry our baby to full term, and I'm gonna take care of the rest.

He got up off the chair without relinquishing his hold on Hanna. A few kisses later, she stepped out of his embrace and tugged on his hand, pulling him towards the bedroom. He caught up with her and lifted her up, slowly carrying her through the door despite minor protest from her side. "Let me enjoy this while I still can," he teased her.

"I love you, Caleb," she whispered as he gently set her down.

"I love you too," he murmured. For one long moment they gazed into one another's eyes. Then Hanna broke the spell by hiccuping.

She giggled. "Excuse me."

"You're excused." he smiled, trailing one finger down her forehead to the tip of her nose. She wrinkled up her face and brought her arms up around his neck. As her mouth found his she closed her eyes, reaching around to help him out of his jacket that he still wore. His arms tightened about her, and as their kiss deepened further she felt him softly nudge them towards the bed.

And then, without warning, Hanna's stomach rumbled. She pulled away slightly.

"Caleb?"

"Mmmm?"

"Caleb," she propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him beseechingly. "I know this isn't the best time and I hope this won't sound too weird, and it's certainly unusual for me, being a confirmed chocolate lover, but -"

She trailed off as Caleb put a finger to her lips. "What?" he asked softly, regarding her with that look that still took her breath away.

"Could you go get me some pistachio ice cream?"

"Really?" he asked, looking amused.

"Really," she confirmed. "I'm sorry, I haven't eaten much all day, and all of a sudden I really, really want some pistachio ice cream… and could you please put a little ketchup on it?"

Caleb raised an eyebrow in disgust, and she shrugged her shoulders helplessly.

"Do you want some cold fries to go with that?" He was met with a repulsed expression in return. "Okay, okay. I see I've got a lot to learn with this pregnancy, too!" he laughed, kissing her on the nose. "At your service!"

She smiled at him seductively. "I'll be waiting when you come back."

"Well well," he grinned, "Somebody's _really_ feeling all better, huh?" He quickly picked up his jacket that Hanna had tossed on the bed, and the next second, he was out the door and gone, fueled with enthusiasm and relief.

 **THE END**

* * *

 _ **Every pregnant woman deserves to have a doting father-to-be by her side. Just what I imagine Caleb to be... Review?  
**_


	3. III - Pain

**YOU FILL ME UP**

 **~ III ~**

 **pain**

* * *

The first pain came just as Hanna was taking a bite into her dessert. "Urgh," she groaned and when the pain faded, a moment later, she swallowed the creamy chocolate mousse which had been waiting in her mouth.

"Everything alright, babe?" Caleb asked his wife.

She nodded and smiled. "Just a twinge in my back," was her reply and then she dived in for another spoonful.

"Baby back ache?" he guessed.

"Mmm," came the reply from the mouth once again occupied by another spoonful of dessert.

Caleb smiled at her. After all, this wasn't the first time she was going through some annoying side effects of her pregnancy. Hanna had been suffering from back ache for the past couple of weeks. So all in all, the situation didn't faze him that much for the moment.

The couple was spending their evening at a top-notch Caribbean restaurant in Miami, celebrating the end of a one-week vacation in Florida. Their flight back home was scheduled for the next morning. They had both wanted to spend one final week of sweet idleness before chaos was expected to ensue in their loft in Rosewood with all kinds of new furniture and accessories taking up space, and a whole new person taking up all of their attention.

Caleb watched as Hanna cradled her eight months baby bump, stroking her hand up and down, while finishing off her dessert. He knew there was a new life growing underneath her palm, and he knew that they would both love that new life, with all their heart whatever sex the baby was, but he also knew that Hanna - secretly - hoped for a girl. And he – just as secretly - also wished for a girl, looking like the spitting image of her beautiful mother, though hopefully acting a little less high maintenance one day.

But, it was in the lap of the gods now. So far, their little one hadn't wanted to reveal themselves during one of their ultrasound scans. After every appointment, Hanna and Caleb had left their doctor's office as clueless as before… and a little disappointed. After all, they had been wanting to start baby shopping for a while now.

Still... Caleb would love Baby Rivers, no matter the gender and no matter the circumstances. That pregnancy still seemed like a miracle to him after all those months of trying and worrying if they'd ever even be able to have a child together.

Hanna moaned again, and he looked up into her face, startled. "Babe?" He was a little worried. That hadn't sounded like her usual discomfort.

"It's okay. I think I just need to go to the restroom." She stood up - rather slowly, Caleb noticed - then looked down at him. "Why don't you pay the check while we're gone?" She placed her hand over her growing belly and smiled, indicating that she was including the baby when referring to _we_. She was clearly proud of her baby bump. For a long time, the pregnancy had hardly been showing due to her slender frame. But now it was very plain for everyone to see: In about eight weeks' time, there would be a new member of their family. And Caleb couldn't have been any prouder of his strong wife.

 **oOOo**

Hanna hadn't returned from the restroom by the time Caleb had paid the check and so he just stood in the entrance way and waited. Fake palm trees decorated the seating area where guests could wait while their table was prepared. Caleb reached out a hand and trailed his finger along the palm frond. It was definitely fake, but incredibly realistic.

A group of young women entered, cheering and chatting away to each other, and to unknown callers on the other end of their cell phones. Caleb moved away from the palm tree to allow them access to the waiting area. Checking his watch he realized that Hanna had been gone for more than ten minutes and he began to panic a little. He felt his spine stiffen and his lazy, relaxed posture disappeared. He glanced warily around the restaurant and then in the direction of the restrooms. His hand twitched as he fought against the impulse to dial up her number and call her on her phone.

After a further five minute wait, the door opened and Hanna came striding through. Caleb could tell that there was something wrong. He knew all of Hanna's facial expressions, skin coloring and bodily mannerisms. Eight years of having her in his life have kept all of his senses busy. Computers and Hanna, those were the subjects he knew off pat. Something about the way she was walking, and the pale color of her skin, sent a shiver down his spine. Paradoxically, she strode across the restaurant with her head held high, giving off the impression of complete control and confidence.

But it was just an impression. Somehow, he knew.

Hanna reached his side and smiled up at him. Her eyes were glassy and her skin was extremely pale. Conversely, her cheeks were bright red, along with her lips. A fresh application of lipstick was bound to be the explanation for the lips, but Caleb had never known Hanna to apply such a load of blusher to her face.

She took her coat from over his arm and turned away from him. He held out his hand and helped her to shrug into the thin cotton jacket.

"Do you want me to ask someone to call a cab for us?" he asked, concerned.

"Don't be ridiculous, Caleb," Hanna answered. "The hotel is only five minutes away and it is an absolutely gorgeous night." With the coat settling into place, Hanna turned back to her husband and smiled up at him. He smiled back, tentatively, and then pushed open the restaurant door.

Hanna was right. The evening sky was crystal clear and the stars could be seen in this mid-fall night sky.

"So, I was going over our list," Hanna started, as she slipped her hand into Caleb's and they began to walk. "I've changed my mind about Mia... I do want it on the list. But I think Bella needs to come off."

"Ooooh," Caleb hissed in through his teeth. "Someone won't be happy about that. You know she's been hinting ever since we announced the pregnancy to your dad."

"Well, she'll just have to get over it. I don't want my daughter named Bella. It just sounds too much like Isabel and I really don't want people to ask my daughter if that was her real name or of she was named after my step-mother the vampire. And, anyway, she doesn't need to know it's off the list... We've only just started talking to that part of my family again, so we don't owe them any explanation. We'll just tell her that we debated over it, back and forth, and eventually settled on... whatever we settle on."

"Which could be Mia?" Caleb asked, arching his eyebrows.

"Yeah. It's sweet."

"Or Emma, or Hallie, or Natalie, or Julia..." Caleb reeled off a couple of names on the baby list.

Hanna looked up at him as their arms swung and then looked away, smiling shyly. "I know it's a long list. I just... I need to..."

"…have confirmation that it's actually going to be a girl," Caleb finished for her. "It's alright, babe." He stopped them and turned to face her. "I understand that you're a little upset about the situation and that we can't paint the nursery pink yet." He chuckled softly before adding, "We'll just have to wait a little longer. We can do this! We've proven before that we can be very patient." He brought a hand up and cupped her cheek then slowly bent down to touch his lips to hers.

Caleb felt as Hanna parted her lips to deepen the kiss and then, suddenly, she was gone. He opened his eyes to see her bending over and clutching at her stomach.

"Han?" he asked, once more concerned.

"I'm fine, Caleb. Just really bad back ache." She straightened up and took his hand again, pulling him off in the direction of the hotel once more. "Plus, I think I may have had a reaction to something at the restaurant... an intolerance, or maybe the Cajun Fries were too spicy..."

Not really believing her, but choosing just to go along with her for the moment, Caleb continued to walk, mentally preparing himself for the gentle confrontation to come when they arrived at the hotel and he would attempt to convince her to go to bed early. Oftentimes, Hanna sat in bed until late at night, her laptop placed before her, finishing off paperwork for her own design label, even on some days during their vacation. Caleb made a mental note to try and keep her away from the screen later by offering her a soothing massage.

"Ok, where were we?" Hanna spoke, unfazed. "Right. Baby names. So… what if it's a boy?" She took a deep breath. "We do need boy names, Caleb."

"I know, babe." Caleb's voice was gentle and loving. "How about Jonah or Jared?" Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Hanna smiled and nodded.

"Those would be nice," she acknowledged. "I think I like Tyler, too."

Caleb nodded. "Mmmm, yes." He gripped Hanna's hand tighter and swung it back and forth. "That was my grandpa's name. I think that would be nice."

"Yeah, but..." she paused and sucked in a tight breath. Caleb turned to take her in his arms but whatever pain was in her back must have faded. "But," she continued as if nothing had interrupted her, "wouldn't Jared be too similar to Jordan?"

"I guess, they are similar." They set off walking once more. "Okay, Jared's off the list." He shrugged.

Hanna opened her mouth to state her agreement or disagreement, but Caleb, instead, looked up to see the entrance to their hotel, and spoke before she could. "Well, here we are... and I believe someone has an appointment with a massage." Caleb wiggled his eyebrows, teasingly.

"Mmm, that would be very nice, Caleb. The baby is seriously squirming tonight, I think."

They turned under the entrance way and walked into the marble lobby. At the elevator, Hanna moaned again and Caleb was suddenly very much in a pain of his own when she clasped his hand tighter than ever before.

His heart almost skipped a beat when that realization hit him. "Hanna? Babe?" he breathed out on a terrified whisper. "Are you alright?"

"Caleb…," she moaned and her knees buckled.

 **oOOo**

"I'm fine, Caleb," Hanna tried to convince him as soon as they were back in their hotel room on the twelfth floor. Downstairs in the elevator, just minutes before, he had quickly swept Hanna into his arms, holding the doors open with his foot, and glanced around the lobby before calling out a bellhop for help. The guy had rushed over and helped him support his pregnant wife during the ride up, asking at least ten times if Hanna weren't better off downstairs, waiting for an ambulance to take her into hospital. But Hanna had brushed him off with a ten-dollar bill, saying she was fine and sending him back to his job in the lobby.

"You're _not_ fine, Hanna. How can you say that?" Caleb confronted her when they were alone in their room again, knowing the panic was showing in his voice. "What... what do you think you are doing?" he asked when she started to shuffle off the bed, where he had gently motioned her to rest for a while.

"I need to go to the bathroom again, Caleb," she retorted. Reaching the edge of the bed, she pushed off and strode for the adjoining room.

Whatever pain had sent her to her knees only a few minutes before was clearly gone. But... it also, quite clearly, kept returning. He stared, blankly, at the cream colored wall, unable to calm his heart. His wife... his very pregnant wife... was in pain. And there was nothing he could do to help her.

What if she was already going into labor? She was only eight months along. And she wasn't saying anything. If anyone would recognize the pain of labor he thought it would be the woman experiencing it.

Forcing himself to calm down, he turned back to the bed. The covers were now in disarray, and he smiled. Hanna never wanted to put the covers straight anyway. It was always Caleb who tidied the bedroom... and the bed... at home. He reached over and began to pull at the covers to straighten the wrinkles out, but a bright red patch against the light colored silken sheet ripped all the breath from his lungs.

Blood.

Only a few, small spots. But they were still bright red. Not dried. Not old. Fresh blood. From where Hanna had been sitting.

"Hanna!" he called, loudly, and turned for the bathroom, reaching for the handle just at the moment that she called out his name in absolute panic.

"Caleb!"

He burst through the door to find her staring in horror at the blood spots on the tile floor. "Caleb," she repeated, much quieter and almost begging. Begging him to tell her that she was seeing things. Begging him to tell her that it didn't matter.

Caleb looked up to see the silent tears streaming from her eyes. A moment before panic and terror could overtake him, he realized that Hanna was in shock and she didn't know what to do. He pushed the panic away and took control, calmly.

First off, he called the reception desk to ask for someone to call a cab. Next, he busied himself re-dressing his wife as swiftly as he could, while waiting for that cab to arrive.

As the hotel was situated so close by, they covered the distance to Miami General Hospital in only three minutes.

It felt like three years.

Caleb jumped out of the back of the car as soon as it had come to a standstill in the driveway in front of the emergency room. He procured a wheelchair, which was conveniently standing by the entrance, and gently nudged Hanna to sit down in it, before wheeling her into the reception area.

"Help, please. It's my wife," he called, suddenly breathless. He strode over to the desk and grabbed Hanna's hand for reassurance – not just for her, but he feared that he'd lose his mind if she didn't transfer part of her mental strength onto him by maintaining their physical contact.

She sat slightly crouched, clinging onto his arm. He could feel her trembling. "She's eight months pregnant and bleeding. And it's like she's been having contractions. Someone has to see her right away," he pleaded, desperately.

"Can I take her name, please?" the lady behind the desk asked, completely without emotion and focused on her computer screen.

"You don't understand. Someone has to see her now. The baby...," he blurted out, half pleading, half demanding.

The clerk looked up just as Caleb felt the pressure increase on his arm. Hanna cried out and held her free arm clutched to her belly. Her cry was so full of pain that it drew the attention of the whole room for a moment. The clerk's eyes turned compassionate and she nodded. "I'll get an orderly to take her straight through."

"Thank you," Caleb breathed out and knelt down in front of Hanna, feeling the exhaustion and anxiety of the past minutes creep into his muscles and bones. She didn't let her vice-like grip on his arm drop one bit as they waited for further instructions.

"Caleb... what is happening? My baby... our little miracle..." She trailed off into almost silent sobs. Caleb could hear them, though, and every single one was a knife in his heart. He was about to reply, and hopefully comfort his wife in some way, when a man approached the wheelchair and began to move it. Caleb panicked for a moment, but then he saw the man's white clothing and realized that he had to be the orderly and got out of his way.

Hanna settled into a more comfortable position and reached out to take Caleb's hand again. The orderly began pushing Hanna towards the double swing doors at the far end of the waiting room and Caleb moved along beside her.

"Sir," came the call from behind, and Caleb turned. "I need your wife's name and your insurance information."

"But..." Caleb said, unable to think of anything but his wife's distress.

"Sir..." the clerk repeated. Caleb looked torn, not wanting to leave Hanna's side.

"It's alright, Caleb. You can come in once you've filled in all the forms." Caleb looked down to his wife, only to be met by an unexpectedly calm face. Her pain had obviously passed, but her worry was still present - clearly written in her eyes.

Caleb released Hanna's hand and strode back to the reception desk. "Hanna Rivers," he gritted out through his teeth. Now that Hanna didn't need him to be strong, now that she was being looked after by professionals, he felt himself on the verge of falling apart.

"Thank you. Now take a seat while you fill these out." She passed over a clipboard. "You can join your wife as soon as they are complete."

Caleb made his way to an empty seat and dropped into it just as Hanna disappeared through the double doors.

 _My baby... our little miracle..._ Caleb recalled Hanna's cry from earlier. He remembered all of their fun conversations, guessing the baby's sex by the current cravings Hanna was experiencing, and making jokes – and bets – with every one of their friends about what color of clothes to get them for the baby. He knew that if Hanna were to get some kind of magical Christmas Wish it would be for this baby to be a girl. And up, until this moment, Caleb would have wished the same thing, not only for his own sake, but because of his love for his wife, too.

But right now, he'd give anything to keep their baby safe in her womb for as long as possible, preferably until their due date the day after Christmas, no matter what the sex was.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose before bringing his attention back to the forms in his hand and quickly filling in the blanks. Very soon he was able to hand over his completed forms. As he headed for the double doors, they opened and he didn't have to search for very long until he saw Hanna from afar in one of the cubicles half way down the corridor on the left. Its curtains were partially closed.

A green gowned doctor was scurrying down the corridor in front of him. She reached Hanna's cubicle and closed the curtains while Caleb was still a quite a few strides away.

Caleb released a breath and listened in on the introductions as he approached. "I'm Doctor Vernon, but please call me Samantha. What's your name?" the doctor directed to Hanna, gently.

"Hanna," she replied just as Caleb arrived at the cubicle and pushed through the curtains, immediately reaching for his wife who was still sitting in the wheelchair.

"Hi, Doctor Vernon, I'm Caleb. I'm Hanna's husband." He turned to greet the doctor, but as both hands were clasping his wife's he didn't offer to shake her hand.

During the next few minutes, Caleb and Hanna both answered questions, letting Doctor Vernon know that Hanna was thirty-two weeks pregnant, she'd been bleeding a little, she'd not bled before, it was her first pregnancy with no previous problems, they'd been out for a meal, and Hanna has spent a long time in the restrooms before they left. Caleb even remembered to pass on that Hanna had felt a little ill and complained of a slight reaction to the food.

"Hanna?" the doctor enquired as she finished writing down that comment in her notes. "What did you mean by a slight reaction to the food?"

Hanna looked away for a moment and bit her lip. Caleb immediately recognized his wife's embarrassed look. "In the restroom... I, uhm..." She looked away again.

"Hanna, did you have a bowel movement?" Hanna nodded. "And was it loose?" She nodded again. "Tell me about these pains," she asked and indicated that Hanna should climb up on the bed.

Caleb immediately assisted Hanna up from the wheelchair and helped her to climb on the hospital bed. She shuffled around and then lay herself down.

"It's like a strong aching across my back, but then it increases suddenly. I thought it was contractions because it's painful... but… in a different way. And I also... kinda... feel like I'm on my... you know..." Hanna shrugged and looked away. Caleb took hold of her hand and squeezed it.

"Alright. I'm going to examine you, Hanna. Is that okay?" Samantha smiled and put down her notes.

"Mm hmm," Hanna agreed.

Feeling her way gently around Hanna's growing abdomen, the doctor commented on everything she found. "Well, your baby is not engaged. The head is still up here." She indicated under Hanna's left ribs. "Legs are down here."

Hanna laughed and nodded. "I could have told you that." Caleb smiled at his, currently, happy wife. How long that mood would stay could depend on what the doctor found.

"I'd like to listen for the heartbeat. Just a moment." Samantha moved away from the bed and reached for her stethoscope. Meanwhile, Hanna unbuttoned her blouse.

"Oooooh," Hanna hissed in a breath when the cold metal touched her stomach. Samantha began to search for the heartbeat.

"Right, I think that's your heartbeat I'm hearing at the moment, Hanna. Let's try over here." The doctor repositioned again and began to frown. After another minute she looked up, warily. "I'm, uh, struggling to find the baby's heartbeat. Give me another minute."

Hanna widened her eyes and turned her head, swiftly, to Caleb. He held tight to her hand and felt her squeeze it in question. He returned the squeeze and nodded with a slight smile, trying to convey that there was probably nothing to worry about. When he saw a tear at the corner of his wife's eye, he felt his heart lurch. She was worried. In fact, she was more than worried.

Caleb suspected that she was on the verge of panic over the fate of their first child. "It will be fine, Hanna. Everything will be fine," Caleb tried to reassure his wife. The doctor still hadn't found the heartbeat: Hanna's own heartbeat kept getting in the way. Possibly, her tension had affected her blood pressure. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Hanna's hand and raised his other to her cheek. "Don't worry. Samantha will find the heartbeat any moment now."

Hanna nodded, mutely.

A moment later, she cried out again.

The doctor took away the stethoscope and began to feel with her hands. "This is the pain you've been having?" she asked.

"Yes." Hanna could barely breathe the word out.

"I think I might agree with you, Hanna. If you were further along I'd be recommending you go through to delivery..." Caleb swiveled his head to look at Doctor Vernon. "These seem very much like contractions."

Hanna let out another cry and squeezed Caleb's hands. The pressure then began to lessen, gradually.

"Hanna," the doctor began, once her patient was calm. "I'd like to do a sonogram. I need to see what's going on."

Hanna looked over at Caleb. He smiled at his wife. "Babe, a sonogram would be great," he encouraged. "It will prove that there's nothing wrong. Okay?"

She nodded, unable to hold in the tears despite his efforts to convince her that there was nothing wrong with the baby.

"There is a portable machine in emergency somewhere. I'll be back in a moment." Samantha left the , left them alone, letting the curtain fall behind her.

Hanna immediately turned to Caleb. "Please, tell me everything's alright, Caleb!"

"You can't be in labor, Hanna. It's too early." He said, trying to sound convincing enough. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "It's too early." He looked down at his wife's large abdomen and remembered the blood spots from earlier. It certainly seemed as if she were having contractions. He felt tears pricking at his eyes, too. He couldn't see anything wrong... but what did he know? Something clearly _was_ wrong.

Caleb closed his eyes, willing the tears away. He couldn't cry in front of her. There was no way he was going to be weak now. He had to be the strong one now… strong enough for the both of them. All three of them, actually.

"Hanna," came the voice of the doctor as she returned. Pushing through the curtain, she pulled a trolley in after her. "Are you feeling okay at the moment? Any more pain?"

Hanna shook her head. "No pain at the moment. Well," she continued, sarcastically, "if you forget about all the other pregnancy hiccups at this stage. You know, bad back, need to pee constantly, aching ribs, swollen ankles, etcetera, etcetera."

Samantha laughed and smiled. Caleb felt a little bit of tension dissipate. If his wife could joke with the doctor then that was a good sign.

But then he saw her face. It was all an act. Her sarcastic retorts were hiding a deep pain.

Hanna kept her eyes on Caleb as the doctor squirted a large button sized blob of cold gel onto her stomach. The probe began to move back and forth and Caleb found his gaze following his wife's as it was drawn away from him, and over to the monitor.

There was no sound from anyone in the room for the few seconds it took for the first image to appear. Caleb and Hanna both held their breath.

Then, the gently whooshing sound of the baby's heartbeat came through the speakers. Three people let out deep breaths. Hanna let her eyes close and her head rest back in relief. Caleb squeezed her hand.

The doctor smiled. "There." It seemed as if she was also relieved. "There he is."

"He?" Hanna opened her eyes and looked back up.

"Well, actually it's not possible to see unless I move further down. This is the heart. I was only speaking in general terms."

"Oh," Hanna replied, but somehow she looked disappointed, as if she now believed the baby to be a boy.

"Have you not been told the sex of your baby?" Samantha asked.

"Well, we wanted to, but so far there was no way to tell in any of the ultrasound scans that we've had," Caleb replied, his eyes switching back and forth between the doctor and the monitor, trying to read either one of them.

"I could tell you if you want," Doctor Vernon told them, adjusting the position of the probe on the lower half of Hanna's belly.

Hanna and Caleb exchanged a quick glance, before Caleb began to speak, "I think for now we just want to know if everything's okay."

"That's alright, I understand," Samantha said, adding, "I'll just write you guys a note and put it in an envelope. And if you decide you're ready to know, you'll be good to go." She did as she had told them and handed Caleb the small piece of paper, which he quickly deposited in the pocket of his pants.

They all sat in silence for a few minutes and just listened. Doctor Vernon continued to move the probe around in order to examine Hanna and the baby.

"Hmm," came a confused sound and she watched the monitor just as Hanna began to squeeze Caleb's hand tighter once more. "Hanna, is this another contraction?"

Hanna nodded.

The speed of the baby's heart suddenly increased. The doctor put the probe down, then felt at Hanna's abdomen again. "Hanna, I'd like to check on your cervix. I now suspect you may actually be in early labor."

"What?" Hanna looked at Caleb, fully panicking now. Premature babies had a much greater chance of life these days, but it could still be touch and go at this stage.

"Let me examine you, please. One minute, that's all, and then... well, let me examine you."

"Whatever you need to do, doctor," Caleb replied for his wife. Hanna was still staring at him. Her eyes were glistening, her lips were quivering.

Caleb moved away as the lady doctor examined Hanna a little more intimately. _Early labor._ The words resonated around inside his skull.

A feeling of complete and utter powerlessness came over him. This was so beyond his abilities to soothe her. He'd have to stand back and watch as his hopes and dreams for this baby slowly slipped away. It was too soon for the birth…

He turned to look into his wife's face and, as their gazes connected, tears began to spill from both pairs of eyes.

 _My baby... our little miracle_... Caleb heard her words once more. Yes, they both wanted the baby to be a girl. But at this moment he would settle for the baby just to be healthy and alive. That was his biggest wish. And he'd gladly use up every Christmas Wish to come to keep his wife and baby safe.

"Well, it seems that you are not dilating, and you haven't lost your plug, Hanna. All the indications are that you are in pre-term labor, though." Hanna gulped and Caleb could see her starting to hyperventilate. Samantha continued, "The good news is that there doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Your body isn't trying to abort a faulty fetus, and your cervix isn't joining in with the contractions. I'm going to give you some medications, which will hopefully stop the contractions."

"It will?" Hanna suddenly looked hopeful. All the distress faded from her face in an instant.

"Yes. Although, there is a chance that it won't stop them permanently. Some women stop their contractions completely, but some continue to contract and so need to take their meds every 4 hours to keep them at bay." She moved away and headed for the corridor.

"For how long?" Hanna looked horrified once more.

Samantha stopped and turned back. "Usually until around thirty-five weeks."

"And... and that will keep the baby safe?" Caleb could recognize the pleading note in his wife's voice.

"It should. Let's see how the first injection works. Hopefully it will confirm my diagnosis when the contractions stop." Doctor Vernon stepped into the corridor and the curtain fluttered behind her.

Hanna turned to look at Caleb. He could see both the worry and the hope written in her eyes.

"Babe, everything is going to be fine... okay?" He smiled, letting all his love for her show. He took hold of her hands and then immediately let go with one hand and reached up to cup her cheek. "Okay?" he repeated.

Hanna nodded. Caleb leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. Parting a moment later, he rested his forehead against hers.

"Alright, Hanna. I'll start with a low dose," Sam explained as she returned. Caleb moved away and Hanna sat herself up, swiveling her legs to dangle off the edge of the bed. She watched the doctor position herself in front of her, preparing the syringe. For a split second, Hanna's gaze focused on the name tag that was attached to the green gown: Dr. Samantha Vernon, OB/GYN.

Sammy.

Sam.

 _Works both ways_ , Hanna thought for a moment.

"We can give you repeated low doses until the contractions stop. Then I'll write you a prescription for the other meds just in case it's necessary," Doctor Vernon continued to explain, putting a stop to Hanna's deliberations.

"Okay, that sounds good." Hanna's voice was gaining strength, her confidence returning. She reached out for Caleb and he took her hand.

Doctor Vernon swabbed Hanna's arm as she gave further instructions. "You'll have to take it every four hours. Literally. If you miss by a couple of minutes, your contractions will return. It does mean even waking up in the night to make sure you take it in time."

"Really?" Hanna laughed in unbelief.

"Unfortunately, yes. But it will keep labor away until a much safer time."

As the needle pierced Hanna's skin Caleb felt her squeezing. He smiled to himself, recognizing the difference in pressure when compared to just a few moments ago. Then he heard Hanna's cheerful voice, "Caleb, can you get me some water with ice?" He looked up and met his wife's eyes once more. His heart swelled with relief and he smiled at her. She returned the smile. Hope was written all over her face. "I can still have ice chips, can't I?" Hanna shortly looked back and forth between Samantha and Caleb.

"Of course, you can," Doctor Vernon smiled at her. "But you might want to cut back on spicy foods as they can sometimes cause trouble for your intestines which in reaction can cause the womb to cramp. Some pregnant women who are past their due date try spicy foods to provoke labor. So you might want to keep that in mind for the next six weeks at least."

"Will do," Hanna said as she lay back down on the bed watching Samantha remove the syringe and put a band-aid onto the reddened prick.

Caleb bent down to kiss her cheek. "I'll go get you some ice water. Be right back." He quietly disappeared behind the curtains and glanced around, looking for a nurse who could help him in his mission. Suddenly, he knew that everything was actually going to turn out alright. His wish for a healthy baby would come true.

Eventually, a male nurse passed by in the corridor, and Caleb was able to ask for some water and ice chips. As he was waiting for the nurse to return, pacing the hallway, his hand slipped into his back pocket. In a matter of seconds, his fingers had unfolded the piece of paper, his eyes had deciphered the doctor's scribble, and his lips had formed a broad smile.

When he was back in the cubicle a few minutes later, handing Hanna a plastic cup of ice water filled to the brim, the doctor was explaining about some minor side effects of the injection, but Caleb's concentration wandered. All he could think about was what he'd seen written down on a small scrap of paper that was now safely hidden inside his back pocket again.

"I'm going to leave you three alone now," Doctor Vernon picked up Hanna's medical file and prepared to leave. "I'll be back in an hour to check back on you, alright?" She waited for Hanna to nod in agreement before she slipped into the corridor and hurried away, off to the next patient in need.

Hanna shuffled on the bed, making room for Caleb to lay down next to her. If he wasn't mistaken, she seemed better now and clutching her belly a lot less often than before. He settled down next to her, ready to get some rest after the ordeal of the past hour. He could see Hanna's eyes fluttering shut as she lay there right by his side, her face still directed towards the frozen image of their miracle baby on the monitor on the other side of the bed.

"So, wanna talk about baby names some more?" Caleb asked as his fingertip was stroking the contours of her cheekbone.

"Ok. How about Samuel if it's a boy?" Hanna replied without having to think much.

Caleb's lips formed a smile. "Alright. That's funny. I was just thinking that having a Sam in our family is bound to bring us luck. Though, Samantha seems like the better fit for a girl, don't you think?"

 **THE END**

* * *

 _Loosely based on my own experiences._

 _This story is dedicated to_ tvfanlife _. You know why. ;-) Miss ya, girl!_

 _In case you liked this story it would really make my day if you left a review. Zip_


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